Positive Forward Focus

Have you ever been a totally exasperated parent (um, hello!) and said–or thought something like, “I wish you were all grown up already–I’m tired of this mommy thing!”  Sigh.  We all have.  I am sure our kids get tired of us, too. 

But the thing is, our kids will grow up.  They are growing up.  And we are helping them.  Granted this word, “help” sure seems like a far cry from what we do all day–feeding, grooming, carting, corraling, teaching, cleaning–whew, you’d think we weren’t helping, but doing. 

Last night, I attended a non-profit meeting through a group known as “Celebrate Differences” here in Oswego, IL.  The presentation was geared toward parents who have a child with a disability like Down’s syndrome or autism.  Kate has resolving apraxia, and while I knew the presentation wasn’t exactly for me, I went anyway.  The phrase of the night–at least for me–was “Positive Forward Focus.”  When I first heard it, I thought of that movie with Haley Joel Osmet called “Pay it Forward.”  That’s not exactly what positive forward focus is, but it’s kind of along those lines. 

What it really means is, think ahead 10 years in your child’s life–how old will he be?  How do you want to “see” him?   What behaviors and attitudes would you like her to have?  What will she look like?  How might he dress?  What might be her hobbies and interests?  His friends?  Her values? 

Now imagine your child is a 25 year old adult.  How’d he turn out?  Would you enjoy having lunch with her at a nice cafe?  A Sunday phone call? 

That’s what positive forward focus is.  But the key is you need to start now.  You child won’t turn into that cool 15 year old (are any 15-year olds really cool, anyway?!) you’re invisioning if you don’t start teaching and shaping them into the kid you want today. 

So if we parents, “pay it forward” with the positive parenting we received as kids–and adding a few of our own ideas, then we just might be able to raise kids we’ll look foward to hanging out with as adults. 

Cheers to a positive forward focus!