By Leslie Lindsay

Image Retrieved from http://house.wikia.com/wiki/Hugh_Laurie on 6.21.12

I have a little bit (okay–huge) crush on Hugh Laurie.  I don’t know if it is really the man or the character, (Dr. Greg House), or some kind of hybrid version of the guy I am in love with.  And can I really be in love with someone I’ve yet to meet or spend any time with?  Exactly.  It’s all sort of speculative and fantasy…just don’t tell my hubby.  He tends to get a bit jealous about this…uh, unrequited crush.

So, when I was browsing the bookstore I came across this book, Lines for All Occassions:  Insults and Comebacks(Who’s There, Inc. 2008).  It had me laughing out loud in the store and it wasn’t expensive, yet it fits into my pocket or purse.  I bought it.  The book brings be a little closer to Dr. House.  It makes me feel like I can be as good as delivering one-liners as he is.  It makes me feel a bit like a bad girl.  I love it!  And it just may help me be a better writer…you know, get into character. 

So, here goes some great insults.  (Fair warning:  they are insults.  A few may be a little off-color).   

• “You are so old, when you were in school history was called current events.” 
• “You are the reason the middle finger was created.”
• “Differential equations just aren’t sexy”
• “I was at the ancient history museum today and thought of you.”
• “If I wanted to hear from an a-hole, I would have farted.” 
• “You are the dark and handsome type.  You look handsome when it’s dark.”
• “You’re so old your social security number must be in the single digits.”
• “I’m sorry, but I don’t speak skank.” 
• “I don’t know what you’re problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
• “I think you put the K in crazy.”
• “He can’t help it…he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.”  –Ann Richards on George H.W. Bush. 

And that is what is in my brain today, Thursday June 21st 2012.