By Leslie Lindsay

Dog snacks do not equal affection.  (Just as love does not equal sex, nor sex equal love).  Lately this is the discussion I have been having with one of my daughters.

Only  this one is short and long and wags a tail.  She is my dog-ter.  And she loves food.  A lot.  I can see the appeal: it’s tasty and it makes you feel good.  But I am getting tired of giving her treats all day long.  I am equally tired of hearing her whine and do her stubby leg dance near the pantry where we keep the dog snacks–and the people snacks.  She likes ’em both, so what’s the point in trying to differentiate the two?

Just yesterday, I leaned down to Miss Sally’s level and looked into her droppy brown eyes, “Sally,” I began, “we love you, but love does not equal food.  You cannot get a snicky-snack everytime you want one.  I will pet you instead.”  To that, Sally just rolled her eyes (easy for a basset), groaned, and hobbled over to the pantry where she proceeded to do her little dance and shuffle her right front paw like a bull before a fight.

I approached her again, “Sal, how about a brushing?”  I retrieved her pink rubber coat shiner thing and sat down, patting the floor next to me, “Come her, girl.  How about some brushy-brush?”  She actually shook her head, floppy jowls and all!

The next time she whined for food, I gave her a stern look and said, “No.  No food for you!”  She grumbled, but gave up fairly quickly.

Today, she wanted a Greenie.  Well, not that I know for sure exactly what she wanted–I just knew it was nearing “Greenie Time.”  But I was not ready to stop packing lunches to walk clear across the kitchen to retrieve a barfy-smelling green bone shaped like a toothbrush, which ironically is supposed to make her breath smell better.  I narrowed my eyes, but in my sweetest motherese told her, “We tell you when it’s eatin’ time, not you.”  She gave up and walked away.

And now, the hound is at my feet as I type this.  I think she got that message that food does not equal affection.

And that is what is in my brain today, Thursday February 9th 2012.