Frisky Friday: Caught in the Act


By Leslie Lindsay

Just recently, while listening to my favorite morning radio show, I heard callers chatting about the time they were caught pants down by their kids.  Nooo…I am not talking about a little friendly mooning.  I am talking about…ahem…”the act.”  Callers, ironically were not traumatized adult children telling tales of their hours in therapy.   Nope.  Instead, it was parents calling in saying things like, “I was so embarrassed, I couldn’t face my kid for days…it was really uncomfortable…”

However, according toresearch, it’s really not that upsetting for a kid to see their parents in the act.  In fact, what is a problem is when kids don’t see their parents expressing any kind of physical love at all.

Nope, you don’t have to let them in on your sex life, but you do need to model intimacy around your kiddos.  Let them see you holding hands, PG kissing, giving hugs, hinting at a little more….that sort of thing…is what kids need to see in order to grow up sexually healthy.  For example, you’ll want your kiddos to see that parents can and do provide a safe, stable home and happy marriage so that they can begin to develop their own construct of a healthy marriage (which should be years down the road, right).

What if you are caught in the act?

  • Depending on your kids’ ages, you can talk to them about it.  I know, you’ll probably be red-faced as you do so, but why not let it be an education?  Experts recommend talking about sex with your children beginning at an early age, a little bit each day or week so it’s not such a taboo subject at puberty.
  • Ask your kids if they have any questions or comments about what they saw or heard.  Ask about feelings or fears.  Answer honestly and to the point.  The less information you give, the less they will feel like it was “wrong.”  Use simple, age-appropriate language.
  • Let your kids know that you love and respect your spouse.  What they saw was about loving each other.  Let them know if they ever have any questions about sex, love, or relationships they can ask you.
  • Make sure your kids know that you are more than just mom and dad.  You are also people who need alone time and privacy from time to time.  That’s okay.   You can’t be everything to your child(ren) all day everyday.

Have you ever been caught in the act?  How did you handle it? 

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