By Leslie Lindsay
It ain’t easy raising kids (or being green). And just this morning I was reminded why: apparently I hate my daughter. Yep. It’s been coming out lately–the snarkiness and sassy-ness–and this isn’t the first time she she shouted, “You HATE me!” Nope. I have heard it before. She’s only six and so I worry what her teenage years will be like. I think she should have a hormone-ectomy right now before it gets too unbearable.
It hit me hard this morning when she declared my detest for her. Because, really truth-be-told, I really did feel some visceral hatread towards by first-born. So, I cringed and felt a deep plumeting deep down in the pit of my stomach. Yes, I hated the fact that I had to deal with a child with ADHD at 8 in the morning. Yes, I hated that I yelled and wiped the dog slobber off her face a little too forcefully. Yes, I hated the way she looked at me and stalked off to her hiding place (the basement stairs). Yes, I loved the fact that she was going to school today. Yes, I hated the fact that her district is operating on an early dismissal day so teachers can prepare for 1st quarter conferences. And I sort of kind of jate the fact that I don’t feel like spending any special 1:1 time with her. But I know she needs it. I know we both need it.
You see, my daughter is adorable. She is bright and creative. She is smart. She has a ton of energy. She’s a lot like me. But different. She has ADHD. I don’t really know how this happened. I don’t have ADHD. My husband…well, the jury is still out. But he jokes he has “hypoactive disorder.” So, who knows where the heck this came from?! I sure as heck don’t. Not that I want to take any of those aforementioned qualities away from her, I just want to learn how to deal with them. In fact, it’s rot really any of those qualities that drive me bonkers, it’s the combination of. For example, creativity + energy + intelligence = a very mischevious child. She is clever; crafty like a fox which sometimes gets her into trouble. Mega-trouble. And then we factor in all of those specific-to-ADHD symptoms: impulsivity, quirkiness, lack of follow-thru, distractiability, fidgeting…and then the apraxia characteristics: strange strings of words, sounds, and phrases and sometimes the inability to find the “right” word. It leads to a frustrated and mis-understood child. And an equally frustrated mom.
So, here’s my plan: I won’t hate her. I will find time to hang out with her. (even though I am not so sure I can muster the strength and energy). I already found that the new movie, “Puss in Boots” is playing tomorrow at the same time her little sister is in preschool. I think we’ll go. Maybe some popcorn and the silver screen will make her not hate me. And for me to like the child I love.
I have ADHD my self and realize you are going through complicated times.
So here’s the break down of things…
1 kids have a 3/5 chance of having ADHD it does have to run in the family to get it, ( although if it does ur more likely to get it)
2 the creativity is good, yes it is a lot of work and I ( being very couris at a young age) got into trouble …. A lot
3 just remember god doesn’t give u more then you can handle just try and enjoy your times together and try to bond if you try and bond you to will have a closer relation ship and she wont say I hate you as much
Thank you for your thoughts on this. Ironically, my daughter and I just talked about these three points last night! It’s always good to hear from someone who “has been there/is there” to put things in perspective. Thank you.
i know how you feel, my son is 4 and is unbearable. He has adhd, odd and pdd, so i dread weekends and the days he stays home from school which is often because even while on medicine he s still agitating.The difference between me and you are that your married and im divorrced and this is my first boy so i kind of dont have that male influence everyday. But when the ex is around its not much better because he dont understand him, even though he has the same symptoms. My son is so handsome so when u look at him it doesnt seem anything is wrong, but when he opens his mouth you can tell.He struggles to have coversation without going off topic and cant comprhend sometimes. He’s obsessed about buses and trains and flowers (oh no), and he dont have alot of boys to be around to influence his behavior so im worried about his girly tendencies. I just feel cursed, i feel like my son is doomed, it will be so hard for him and no amount of prayer is working, i dont think i can do this.
Hang in there! I know the feeling…and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I hope you have some outlets where you can get the support you need: church, book groups, work, friends, and family are all great places to start…perhaps even trying a new hobby or interest like scrapbooking or exercise will help you cope. I do know there are some AD/HD support groups that have been developed. You’ll just have to check around locally. I also have found great comfort and relatability in ADDitude magazine. Hugs! And good luck to you.